Furiously Happy


I loved this book. A lot.

It’s the first book in a very long time that made me laugh out loud. I went into it not having read Jenny Lawson’s first book, and with out knowing anything about it. All I knew was that the squirrel on the cover made me smile every time I passed it at work. Under that cover I found someone who struggles with a lot of the same things I do. It is full of frank discussions about depression and anxiety. But it is incredibly funny. As I come from a family that is always inappropriately laughing through life I felt so at home. Reading a book that makes you feel a little less alone in your struggle what ever that may be is like an hour of good therapy. ¬†Furiously Happy isn’t a self-help book, but it got through to me better than any Brene Brown or Sarah Knight ever could.




What it means to fall back in love…


Depression is a reality for me. When I was younger it was hard to get people to understand. The reoccurring argument went “Why can’t you just make yourself go to School?” “Because I can’t” isn’t an explanation that anyone can understand. But that is what depression is. It’s not being able to explain why you suddenly cannot stop watching Angel reruns and get out of bed, or why you got on the bus to go to school but ended up sleeping all day on your grandmas couch. It is having the best intentions but being betrayed by your brain. ¬†I am not medicated, and the one time I was I got so anxious and low that I couldn’t function. So I have found other coping mechanisms that work for me. A big inspiration for me even writing this comes from a friend of mine who has a mental health issue and asked how I manage my depression. I went through my brain and made a list of what I do to try to stop it before it happens or how to live through the dark to get to the light… I work hard to fill my home with things that I love, and that make me happy. I have walls of books and movies, posters of art that I love, photos of friends and family. My fiancee is a big part of that. He is the thing in my house that makes me that happiest. But to be honest, the thing that really helps is my pets. They need me to take care of them. And having someone who is dependant on me for their well being has been what has kept me away from the darkest corners of my emotions for a very long time.

But something that I haven’t been leaning on for a very long time is music… I stopped exploring new things or seeking comfort in old favourites. I feel out of love. My phone is filled with podcasts, not playlists. I used to be the girl who made playlists for every occasion and every person in my life. I have had people tell me they still have cds I made them. And that friend I mentioned earlier told me how helpful the cds I gave her have been. She asked for another playlist to help with difficult time in her life…. at first I was hesitant to agree. Because I didn’t immediately have a list of songs to rattle off like I used to.

I don’t want to get to hippy dippy, but it has been an amazing journey of rediscovery. I forgot just how much a song can affect me. I also forgot just how deeply it goes… how a piece of music can become a part of my identity. Some things just feel stitched into my soul. Suddenly only being able to pick 5 songs for the dj to play at my wedding became a huge problem. I have more to say about the happiest day of my life than 5 songs Mr DJ-With-A-Light-Show-Guy. Having everyone I love in one place requires so much more joy than that.